“So who the hell is Ron Mailer?” Rob was obviously eating something on the other end of the phone. Odd pauses and smacking sounds between sentences.

“He teaches math and physics here.”

“Doesn’t sound like he has much of a sense of humor.”

“That helps, Rob. Thanks.”

“Okay, look. The point is, all you’ve done is maybe offend this guy. He accidentally received a misdirected mail. If it made him blush, so be it, but that’s the end of the story.”

“Peggy going on about sexual harrassment.”

“Peggy’s a bitch. I’m a lawyer. And I’m saying, end of story. There’s no intent, no history, nothing. It’s not harrassment, it’s a faux pas.” Chewing and swallowing sounds, and then some sort of beverage.

“She said something about improper use of district resources. Abuse of email and so on.”

“You and every other member of the faculty. She doesn’t want to go there.”

“You sounds awfully sure.”

Chewing. “Call it a hunch. If she gives you heat for emails sent and received, we say okay, let’s see what the rest of the administration is up to. Let’s dig around in the server. Let’s see what Principal Francis uses her email for.”

Tom sighed, drank some coffee. The escargot on his mug lay mutely in place, ideogrammatic. “So what do I do, here?”

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing, Tom, you’re not writing any letter. Period.”

“And what do I tell her?”

“That you’re acting on the advice of your attorney, and you hope that’s as litigious as this situation gets. You’re not admitting fault and giving her a copy. Promise me that.”

“Cross my heart. Shit, I’d better at least go mea culpa to Ron.”

“You apologize for misdirecting the email. You apologize for any confusion. You don’t apologize for the contents.”

“Right. Sure.”

“This is not a big deal, Tom.”

“I outed myself.”

“So did ‘Ellen’, and that worked out okay.”

“Yeah, well, she did it on purpose.”

“Did Peggy say anything about you being gay? About that having anything to do with anything?”

“God, you know what she’s like, she didn’t say anything about anything, just implied to hell and back.”

“Did she imply anything about you being gay, then?”

“No, but–”

“Look, I know this is an issue for you, I know you’re embarrassed, but I really think you’re over-reacting. The administration wouldn’t dare–”

“Rob, the parents–”

“Oh, to hell with the parents. Look. It’s not a big deal, and it sounds like all of two people know your non-scandalous non-secret. Trust me, it’ll blow over.”